Written yesterday evening...
Things have been (and still are) solved with reacting against scapegoats (at first in the family)? Scapegoats are created because they are needed. But this doesn’t resolve anything for anyone. Things are rather held in place, rigidly even, and got even more strengthened with the use of scapegoats? Noone will ever be freed as long as this continues and goes on, less the ones reacting at the scapegoats.
If things were directed at the true sources by all, in all now living generations (an illusion probably, but let’s use it as a play with thoughts), how would that be? All would see differently, communicate differently and more genuinely?
And you will inevitably pass things further if you haven’t processed things or been aware of what was done (and how) and aware of how harmful it was and that it was (many times) extremely unfair, and not only that, but damaging (and how it was damaging). Even if the consequences weren’t visible then or right away or maybe didn’t come at once (but “only” were wounds in the soul).
So it wasn’t only the parent that got badly treated in her/his childhood in different ways and this later adult managed to avoid many of these things he/she maybe believes? Or that their children become harmed less badly. Maybe didn’t become harmed hardly at all? Thus minimizing and belittling what ones own children suffered? And you will do this until you realize to a certain degree how it actually was for the child you once was yourself.
Awareness is decisive, and it should have existed then, to avoid passing things further at all, or passing it further very, very little.
Awareness later, maybe even very late in life, would be to at last take responsibility for oneself, for ones own parenthood (if one has children) and for yourself!! Not least!? I.e., become the adult you are and SHOULD BE!! Not easy probably! No sadly to say there ae no quick fixes here??
And can a sibling feel reconciliation on behalf of other/all other siblings? On behalf of all?
Isn’t it awful that so many got harmed? Can another forgive on behalf of others? And can one continue to have contact without forgiving?
I reacted very strongly at several things the psychologist said in the interview I recently referred to. One was the topic reconciliation, which she brought about and said she felt for both her parents: the very abusive father and the submissive and insecure mother, that couldn’t protect her children at all??!! At her father’s deathbed she felt as another sort of communication would have been possible (and this was before she started to remember what she had been exposed to. She thought this made her start her work. A few days after she gad said goodbye to her father she got the message she had breast cancer).
This woman didn’t get any siblings until she was six if I understood it right… Her mother was only 20 when she got born and the young mother used her daughter as confident (emotional incest, which Pia Melody thinks is very common in our western society, and I think it is very common in the whole world, and it is probably more harmful than we thinks. This woman said she probably had to be a sort of mother for her own mother).
Addition: This woman said that the reactions on her book and what she revealed there were very positive from readers in general, but her colleagues (other psychologists and therapists) reacted differently!! Approximately 50 % of them reacted negatively, even a bit condemning, they didn't think a therapist should go out with her own history like this!!! She didn't agree with this, and didn't quite understand it. Because a therapist reveal so much already by her/his way of dressing, the things she/he has o her/his office etc.
And the interviewer asked something (I don't remember what) to which she answered that for the child then this was awful what she had to endure (with an abusive, violent father, which also sexually abused and a submissive mother and mean maternal grandmother, mormor in Swedish), but as a grown up woman she saw it a bit different; she could understand him/her father (something in the style that she understood he himself probably had been exposed to things - as I remember it)!!!
In my feeling this was like a concession, remission (eftergift in Swedish) to her colleagues and "the right way" of reacting!!! And she also used the word/expression "reconciliation"...
She claimed she had abandoned the role as nice, sweet girl, adapting to all and everyone, but I think these two things above proves other things!! And on top, from what I know more, and from what I sense and feel, I think this woman can be fairly mean too!
I am not sure I would have searched her as therapist! Not where I am today at least... But she left her work before she retired and did other things instead... Has written several books (all except the one mentioned above in Swedish), given (and still gives) retreats and has a company with her husband who is also psychologist...