The child – hurt, offended by being ascribed, attributed things, characteristics, qualities (negative)… (and isn't this very humiliating too?) *) What does the child has to put against!?? Can it say, afford to say:
“No I am not!!”
without help by a more experienced, a grown up, which can say, angrily, indignantly:
“Hey, stop!! No she isn’t!!”
Re enacting this later in life... Drawn to authoritarian friends, who are fairly conventional: one shall have it like this and this at home, do this and that!!!
Too well-raised to say what one thinks, quite angrily:
“What do you mean??? That my taste is bad? Because that’s how I interpret this!!”
And quietly: if one did the same back – told her to have it like this and this at home, to do this and that, not this and that, how would that be?? How would she react? React very hurt?? Yes, one can be very sensitive without being sensitive maybe at all??? Extremely thick-skinned AND sensitive for offences against oneself???
How does one take this up with the person in question, if one is extremely well-raised? Expecting mind-reading; that the other part shall understand how one reacts?? Until the volcano explodes?? And the friendship is destroyed? Without never having really explored if this friendship was anything worth really and what it was worth?? If involved parts were capable of development? And to what degree, and if this degree is acceptable?
The difficulties with relations…Self knowledge, a growing, helps this up. But this work is probably from time to time very painful; to realize things... And each one is responsible for his/her self-development... For her/his willingness here. And when and how it shall occur... And for communicating. All involved have as much responsibility for the relation ... Noone more and noone less.
This one should have learnt early! No one has to reclaim this ability with a lot of struggles in adult life... Struggles that perhaps wouldn't have been necessary maybe hardly at all??
Is it similar themes in the two last blogposts: prejudices and rationality contra feelings/emotions???
Addition later today: *) being attributed positive things from a parent what can that be about on the contrary? (to manipulate the child into a certain behavior?).
And to attribute people with characteristics and (negative) qualities can be used later in life in a whole range of circumstances!? Even on a political level!!?? The blog Do nothing day had a blogpost today about that the Swedes are said to be the most sick-paid for exhaustion/burn out in Europe!!! This complicated phenomenon doesn't occur either than in Sweden (to the degree as it does here). Where does media (over 90 % is liberal!!) want to come with this statement? Here a whole population is attributed with a characteristic!! Is there any purpose behind? What?
I have read somewhere that Swedes are appreciated for how hard they work!!! But I think we are too diligent! Generally! And especially women are - generally (because they top the sick-payment statistics!! And is it also therefore it is legitimate to resonate in the way as is done here about this problem - resonate quiet moralistically!?).
And who has the power of definition? The ones that are suffering are so ashamed for their sickness so they keep quiet, and not less quiet by reading and hearing such things!! Is this what one want to achieve? Is this non-moralistic, empathic, sensitively? Does this gives us any solutions what to do?? How do we handle this weak population (read all those weak, preferably, women?)? We need better genes? How do we get those?
Ok, let's help them (without spoiling them though), but they shall certainly know that it is something wrong with them!!!??? We are so generous so we let them exist!?
Attributing characteristics can be used both here and there? First in life by a parent towards a child (whose character is set for life?), later in relations between adults, even in political life as a power-tool against whole groups of the population (because you have nothing better to come with??) etc.??
Of shame you keep quiet?? And so it has been through history: you keep it in the family. The worse you have been treated and humiliated you have kept quiet and secret!!?? And done this your whole life, even into the death??
Someone wrote on the net that to have conscience is maybe soon seen as a handicap!!