There were two more letters at Miller’s web today; “Karma and abuse” and “Karma?” When I read the first I came to think once again about the phenomenon reconciliation! Why is this so important to therapists for instance? Is it because you shall not become so angry or even furious??? But the more you get access with these feelings (of rage, fury etc.) the more and positive feelings you also can feel? Or the stronger you can feel them?? And then I talk about genuinely positive feelings…
And when I read these sentences (about a/the Buddhism-stand) I thought further:
“… my spirit chose this hardship as a way of compensating for past(lives) errors. My mind has to find a logical reason for the pain other than just blaming the abuser /…/ you are told that you should be thankful for any insult or abuse because abusers are teachers and we deserve whatever we get--to put it bluntly /…/ finding spiritual validation for the abuse”.
And in the second letter:
“I don't know if I chose this life to "pay" for errors in past lives, but I really prefer to think of it as building "POSITIVE" karma for the next go-round. If I hadn't had this experience, I would not know how to help others not continue the abuse, and how to advise them to get help for the abuse they have suffered. Being abused is always an awful thing, but you can take the energy you expend on regret, shame, hate and anger and turn it into a positive force for the good of children everywhere. It's amazing how much this relieves your negative feelings.”
It suddenly struck me: you use these strategies to avoid the pain and thus you also avoid the truth!!! Effectively!?
Miller answers the question
“… would you say that it is another form of denial?"
“Yes, of course I would say that. It is not only denial, it is brain washing in the most dangerous way.”
And the second letter in this way:
“Preaching that abusers are teachers and that you can make sense of the endured abuse by turning negative energies into positive ones is a very problematic philosophy. It is used for brain washing everywhere. In this way, ‘teachers’ pass on to others the lies that they were told and that caused their rage so they can feel well and ‘positive’.”