onsdag 31 oktober 2007

Hyperactive children…

Alice Miller writes about “hyperactive” children in her book ”The Body Never Lies – The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting”. She writes at pages 176-177:
“With support of the enlightened witness represented by such a therapist, a
hyperactive child (or a child suffering from any other disorder) can be encouraged to feel its perturbation [förvirring eller oordning in Swedish], rather than acting it out, and to articulate its feelings to the parents, rather than fearing them and dissociating from them. In this way the parents can learn from the child that one can have feelings without heeding to fear disastrous consequences, that, on the contrary, something can develop from this which gives support and creates mutual trust.

I know of a mother who was actually able to escape from the destructive attachment to her parents thanks to her own child. After several years of therapy, she was still concerned to see the good sides of her parents even though she had been severely abused in her childhood. She suffered greatly from the hyperactive and aggressive outbursts of her little daughter, who had been under continual medical care since birth. The routine had been the same for years. She took her child to the doctor, gave her the medicine prescribed for her, went to see her therapist regularly, and went on seeking justifications for her own parents. At a conscious level, she never suffered because of her parent’s treatment of her, only because of her daughter.

One day, however, she finally flew into a rage in the company of a new therapist
and was finally able to admit to the extreme anger at her parents that had been
pent up inside her for thirty years. And then the miraculous thing happened (although it was anything but a miracle): in the space of a few days, her daughter played started to play normally, lost all her symptoms, asked questions, and was given straightforward answers. It was as if the mother had emerged from a dense fog and was seeing her daughter properly for the first time. A child who is not being used as the object of projections can play quietly without having to run around like a mad all the time. She no longer has the hopeless task of saving her mother, or at least of confronting her with the truth by means of her own ‘disorder’.
Dennis Rodie on the term ADHD:
“To me this term I just another attempt to label disobedient children and instead of hitting the disobedient child with a stick, they try to pull science into the field, blaming the brain of the child and punish it with aggressive ‘medication’.”
Yes, blaming the victim!? See more about this here.
And about “curling parents” and Jesper Juul, he means it is put black and white again by saying:
“… that’s it’s better to have a ‘curling parent’ than an authoritarian who uses a stick. For those not familiar with the term [people not living in Sweden and not joining the debate here], in Sweden some criticism went to parents who do too much for their children, making it too easy for them, like in curling sweeping everything clean that comes in your way to get to your goal. I think part of that criticism is fair because isn’t this a subtle form of preventing your child to criticize and reject the parent? Why do parents want their children to become their best friends? And why is there a fear in the parent that the child wouldn’t like you anymore of you have to say: no?
Yes, do adult people behave like grown up?? I have some thoughts about these things concerning how teachers shall be or not be… My boss has ideas I have reacted against, and she is treating students in a way I react against… I don’t know how to express this, and maybe I too suffer from her disease? And that’s the reason why I react as I do? And I also have thoughts and wonders about young people and why they are as they are… We had a seminar about whom and what young people are last week, but noone wonders WHY they are as they are… And what in this is good or less good. How do I sound now? Maybe I come back to this later…

But it is something about grown ups pretending to be something else than they are genuinely (but who are we in fact? What are our true selves??)… About being on the same level as the students in a way I react against… Maybe you both are and not are?? And this can change with situation.

And I have a feeling young people are given a responsibility that shouldn’t be put on their shoulders, and that responsibility is taken from them, where they should be given it (in a similar manner as we are treated as employees: in one way as kids and in another not; delegation and responsibility which can be so misused). And I wonder if we grown ups are so confused so we don’t see what is what many times… A job we should need to do (but probably hard and painful?? The more hard the lees prone we are??), both for our own and for their sake…

Yes, maybe parents need to and should say no to children sometimes?? And be open to, not afraid of, being questioned?? Not prohibiting the child to get angry, disappointed, and allowing it to come with its point of view, openly… An open exchange, discussion, communication… Where the adult is as little prestigious as possible? And can admit real wrongdoings. If not at once so after he/she has thought about it? Doesn’t have to demonstrate his/her power, where he/she doesn’t have to exercise power. And least of all a need for power coming from early in life, not processed… That need for power is the most damaging!? (What sorts of power does an unharmed individual actually need??). Knowing what is what (NOT easy, as we adults often are so confused in our turn!!??)…Is it possible to say "no" without being either authoritarian or totalitarian? And yes, are we afraid of a/the counter-reaction? If so - why?

And another commenter on a blog about scientists (on gene-issues!!):

“I have the suspicion that scientists who come up with these wishy-washy
findings are more concerned with adding publications to their résumés than
adding sound knowledge to the realm of science. In times gone by, scientists
took more pride in investigating things thoroughly before submitting articles to

I have started reading Naomi Klein’s “The Shock-doctrine”, tough reading (I agree with Anja)!! She is writing about the psychiatrist Ewen Cameron (apropos certain forms of so called "scientists"!? The more awful ones) from page 37 and forward… What he did with people 50 years ago… Experimenting with people and what that resulted in (when people left the hospital they were sicker than when they came to it and some committed suicide). Awful to say it mildly...

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