I threw some words down a couple of days ago when I was rushing to work, to not forget a thought I got. Saw these sentences now. It stands:
“It isn’t as the adult now I ought to take it, not from that angle... As one perhaps already have done, already early in life… And has been doing much too much, with all what that means. For oneself and for ones environment.”
What I was thinking of was therapy… When the therapist replies to a comment from the client about a parent which demanded something from the child the client once was, or when the child then reacted or felt something she/he didn’t get, because the parent was so extremely occupied with everything; a lot of other kids, the household, the work and conditions there, and occupied with a marriage with a lot of problems…
If the therapist says something in the style:
“One can lively imagine how he/she felt/had it (his problems)!!”
Or something about that the mother’s lap already was occupied and there was no place for another child there! A fact the child hadn't got help to confront, to stand?? (what rubbish!!! A child has her/his needs no matter what the parent can fulfil or not or of what reason she/he is unable to fulfil these needs! Of course the child reacts!!! And should be allowed to react! Express its disappointment, anger or whatsoever! Needs the child ought to get filled whether its parent could fill the or not. And by this stay in contact with its feelings, and also by this develop empathy for itself and in the lengthening for other people. True, genuine compassion and empathy).
As if the child then didn’t understand that!!???
Could that be a/the problem: that the child understood that all too well??? And pushed her/his needs, feelings, emotions etc. down?? And was forced to do that too, to survive, maybe even before many feelings and emotions (with following insights about the true situation) reached the consciousness??
And the child resorted to defences, as false hope for instance: If I just - then!! They will see me, I will get what I need (but I am not sure a child always can put words on what it needs, it just feels things, that something is wrong etc.?)? Or to false power denial of needs: “I don’t need that! I don’t care! I can manage without this and that!” Or to false power anger? And by this it got a feeling of control and strength, though illusionary. And the latter grown up get an illusion of a power he/she in fact maybe don’t need in the circumstances when this feeling occurs?? With all what that mean of problems in relations etc.!?
The client in therapy need to try to see it (and take it) from the child’s view and perspective in some way, with support of an empathic, compassionate, knowing, enlightened therapist, whom her/himself knows through personal experiences what it is about, how it was seen from the child’s perspective… And the client need to be safe that the therapist would never use or exploit the client when she/he get in contact with the help and powerless child’s feelings and emotions, and connected to this maybe memories and pictures of events…
The client doesn’t need a pedagogue once again?? Which teaches the client and tells her what to think, feel etc.??
And something quietly I felt I wanted to say to a person which thought I showed excessive charm that couldn't be true or? yes, that's probably true, that I struggle and have struggled enormously the whole life to be liked!! But quite frankly and quietly there are things that are quite ok in and with me... And maybe I am worth to be liked... Even if I am just a human being... Not that perfect, but quite ok!?
And in fact there was a person that said that I am pretty easy to like... And that person knew me quite well, and we had had contact for some years at that moment...
He had seen that I tried my best and was hard working with everything (but silently doing it)? And wanted to be honest, not lie... Reacts strongly and emotionally against dishonesty (which probably has reasons).