torsdag 24 maj 2007

Några små tysta tankar/Some quiet thoughts…

Några små tankar så här "dagen efter"...

Kvinnor tar generellt mer ansvar för stämningen på arbetsplatser… För allt och alla… Vilket man konstaterat i litteratur som rör utmattningssjukdomar. Inverkar det i längden på deras arbetsprestationer, till nackdel för dessa? Vinner männen i prestationshänseende på att de är mindre benägna att ta ansvar för allt och alla?

Tänker på hur det är på min arbetsplats…

Empati anses också vara en faktor bakom utmattning… Vilket forskningen också konstaterat.

Hur är det med empati för en själv?

Och vad innebär det i vårt jobb? Där det handlar om prestationer? När det handlar om prestationer?

Oerhörd känslighet betyder inte att man är känslig eller empatisk för andra!

Nu pratar jag i gåtor? Men jag har en särskild man och kvinna på jobbet i åtanke, som undervisar på samma instrument. Där kvinnan tar en massa ansvar, är mån om eleverna, försöker fixa kompnoter i någorlunda tid (alla har enormt mycket att göra? Vårt jobb blir lätt gränslöst. Något som vi kanske borde vara mer medvetna om och prata mer öppet om!). Och går på möten

Mannen överlåter ansvaret. Och visst, på ett sätt är det ju bra! Det måste kanske finnas en gräns för hur mycket ansvar man ska ta för andra, inklusive elever. Och denne man går inte heller på möten som rör hans elever också. Och ledningen verkar inte se eller märka detta? Han glider liksom ovanpå och får göra det!? Jag är nog ganska arg...

Ja, bara litet lösa tankar… Och det finns säkert undantag från detta ovan!!!
Some quiet reflections the "day after"… About my work-place. Women generally take more responsibility for the atmosphere at work, for all and everything (which research has shown too). Men take less, or at least some men take less at least at my work-place?

I wonder what this leads to… The women get exhausted. It takes a longer time for men to get exhausted. But soon or less they too can get exhausted. And if the same pattern occurs at home: the woman is more responsible-talking and the man less – no wonder women suffer from all kind of “burn-out” problems (experts doesn’t want to call this phenomenon “burn out” because it leads the thoughts wrong, because this “disease isn’t incurable, but curable), if one adds all responsibilities women take both at home and at work and maybe at other places.... At least it is so here, in this country, I don't know if this is a world-wide phenomenon...

Empathy is a factor which can cause exhaustion research has also shown… But an enormous sensibility/sensitivity doesn’t always include sensitivity both for yourself and others… Some are very sensitive when it comes to themselves and others are much more sensitive when it comes to others, and between these two poles there probably exist all different degrees of sensitivities… This has something to do with destructiveness or self-destructiveness (something I don’t think we chose though – and that I will underline and this is another topic I probably will come back to too).

This has to do with being capable of taking a sound amount of responsibility, of being capable of knowing ones boarders and the limits for ones responsibility, but not deny responsibility one actually have!? And maybe also be capable of having a mature communication?

Women maybe tends to suppress their feelings and thoughts until they are so full so they get an outburst!!?? But again, I don’t think it is as easy as many methods claim to change this. To do so (changing these patterns no matter if it is a woman or a man that want to change it) demands a lot of work… Maybe even a hard work…

I also came to think now wrting about this about different defence-strategies, and problems for all, no matter what defence-strategy one “prefers” to use to admit truths, because the most underlying truths are so painful. And, too, I don’t think anyone consciously chooses defence-strategy, therefore I put the word “prefers" between quotation-marks.

And on top, if it is like this as I wrote above (about different permissions for men and women, and whose fault and responsibility is this, if it is like I am thinking and feeling? Has the bosses something to do with this? Is it they who should be blamed?) I think men also presents better results at work, with pupils/students and in their own playing too (because they generally have more en energy and time and thus are capable of focussing which we somen who are very clever and rescuing everything don't have, which isn't strange at all*)!? At least I think it is so at our work-place).

*And, yes, now I am back to that about different capacities!! A topic that made me so angry! Because noone has a limitless capacity, how clever he/she even is! And can this be an excuse, to claim people's capacities, both in negative and positive direction? For the bosses (and leaders and teachers) not to take their responsibility and be fair and treat all equal and juste??
I don’t know how to express this, but I’ll try… Men don’t tolerate what women do, generally!? Or some men at my work-place at least I feel? Men are tougher, even dare to have higher demands.

The man referred to above takes even less responsibility than other male colleagues; what about giving the accompanist the music which his students are going to play… It’s up to the student and the accompanist! (Honestly I am a bit angry, and maybe now talking in riddles!! Hmmm…).

And if you work fulltime on top… Yes, I am really angry???

And the bosses have nothing to do with this? Or?

But, yes, there is exceptions from this at my work-place; men taking almost as much responsibility as women. But women are generally and to a higher degree responsibility-taking among us?

And from what I can imagine and what I know (I have met my male colleagues wives and female colleagues husbands) my female colleagues also takes more responsibility at home, the roles there are fairly traditional and men takes less generally I think… That is an impression or feeling I have…

Roles we took already early in life and had to take early in life? Noone gains on this, neither women nor men I think. And not their relations either?

But the state of affairs can also be the reverse: a man which becomes father later in life, when he is more mature and has come to value other things which can come to take an enormous responsibility and his younger wife doesn’t take as much… But there are probably also exceptions to this: young fathers taking a lot of responsibility… But generally it isn’t like this?

It is much more to say about this, but the root for this pouring out is very personal, so take it for that… And maybe I have a special man in thought (why is he so important, what does he represent?? But that’s my personal and private thing)… I am angry, maybe very angry too… And I don't say that this issue is a simple one, easily solved... No, it is fairly complex (or not?)...

And the ones who have access to my blog don’t have anything to do with this, I just want to say!

And I think I will label this blog with "empathy" too, because I think I will come back to this topic, about empathy... And thus as many of its sides too. And develop that concept. Addition: and you can't learn empathy with your head or in a/the school!? But noone is born with lack of empathy either I think... (a child shown genuine empathy shows this is turn, naturally, I think. And if a child or adult shows lack of empathy it has a/many reaons and causes, not only from events in grown up life).

And, yes, that about giving a child a voice and maybe the different results in individuals, men and women of not having been given a voice early in life (hasn't research shown that there hardly exist any female serial-killers? Where does their anger gets its expression?)...
The therapist Ingeborg also mentions Richard Grossman and giving a child voice in her book, an writes a whole chapter about this if I remember right!

See also the review "Tusen gånger starkare/thousand times stronger...". .

All this of course has all different exceptions!! And this is powerful (and painful? Maybe even very painful) things...

Additon just before lunch in a hurry: And there is probably also men who can mirror themselves in the ”women-problem” I have sketched above!? Both work-place and family related problems!?

English word of today "pouring out" which means utgjutelse in Swedish.

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