Morgonreflektioner/morning reflections...

Något slog mig angående utvärderingen vi gjorde med den grupp jag är en av de ansvariga för; att skapa en vikänsla ännu mer, vikten av en sådan…

Kom också att tänka på detta att stimulera och uppmuntra integration och samarbete mellan oss lärare och framförallt om ny verksamhet sätter igång. Speciellt om en ny verksamhet ligger litet utanför den tidigare och riskerar att bli liggande litet utanför… Och definitivt inte hindra en sådan integrering…

Som när dansverksamhet satte igång hos oss… Att tillåta brain-storming om hur man skulle kunna integrera i detta fall dansen med annan verksamhet i konserter bland annat. Men det kräver ju en del av dansansvarig och av ansvarig överhuvudtaget… Att inte hålla vissa grupper för sig och vara rädd för att andra ska komma med bra idéer…

Nu dryga femton år senare tror jag detta kan vara svårt… Danslärarna är utanför övrig verksamhet känns det och det känns litet som om det uppstått flera musikskolor i samma musikskola och det tror jag beror på högsta chef, som saknar förmåga (och kanske också vilja, medvetet eller omedvetet) av att stimulera äkta samarbete… För det skulle sätta igång kreativa processer som skulle nå långt över hennes huvud?

Verksamheten på en arbetsplats blir ungefär så bra som dess chef är… Och vi har en som inte kan få folk att blomma ut riktigt tycker jag (andra kanske inte skulle hålla med mig dock om detta) och en chef som heller inte har de konstnärliga eller pedagogiska eller ens de organisatoriska kvaliteterna… Vi har ”trevliga” fester istället… Och har en chef som är väldigt social och kan prata mycket.

Jo, det är en jäkla massa prat, som hittills inte lett så värst mycket matnyttigt… Men jag tror jag kan överleva det. Hoppas så i alla fall.

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Need to pour out things (now in the end of a school-year and thus a bit tired and reacting stronger than usual?).

Something struck me apropos the evaluation we did with the group I am responsible for, about that we leaders could work even more for making the group a group, but the students seem to think the people in the group are very nice people and that the group is fairly nice anyway. But it could be even better. Especially could the new students get even better introduced.

I really appreciated the ideas we got from all who answered this evaluation.

I came to think about the organization on a higher level… A boss that is capable (and who want, and I am not sure she always want this honestly) to encourage integration and cooperation. But if you do this you are at risk of losing control over the group/the work-place! You can’t steer it in the same way as if you hold groups separated and maybe even some individuals for yourself.

And that’s what I think my boss does and has tendencies to do! Almost like we are still school-children and need to compete about other mates/comrades favor!!! And as if she is still a school-girl too!?

Because I think it was like this (not to go into details) when we started with dance-activity in our school a little more than 15 years ago… She then became the responsible for that education and I felt already then that she held the dance-teacher for herself even, or not least, towards us accompanists!!! Strange! Or not?

The result is, from my view-point that the dance and not least the dance-teachers aren’t integrated in the school-activity today either in a way I think would have been possible, and I think it would be difficult to change this as long as we have the boss we have (the responsible for the dance-activity then became our boss 1998! And her husband was our boss 1985-90!!! So how come we got the boss we now have?)…

If she had encouraged and worked for integration and cooperation (and how was the original introduction in the first place really?) it would perhaps have created creative processes that would have reached over her head!!?? Even far over it too, and in a way, more or less consciously, she was aware of that?? That it was risky to allow brain-storming and ideas to be articulated and to flower. And let ideas come up that didn’t come from her???

And in the end; was this even beneficial for the dance-activity either?

And today there is as we have not only one music-school but three or four…

The work-place isn’t better than its boss I think… And our boss doesn’t in my opinion neither have artistic, pedagogical nor organizational qualities (as if I have!?)… She is good at talking and very “social”, she likes parties and thinks that’s the solution in creating a good work environment!!! Phew I just say! This awakes the obstinacy in me really (the obstinate child!?). Because I really don’t think it is so easy!!

But if things are functioning at the work-place then parties and social things can work and be nice… But you can’t take it from that angle or solve everything with that (isn't that by the way "a bit", or very much, humiliating? What are we; grown up or?). The reaction/result can be the opposite instead I think! Some, the cleverest and most ambitious teachers, gets angry instead to be forced together and being forced to pretend things are different than they are!?? And you definitely can’t force folks to have nice parties! To pretend things… Falsely, hypocritically… But, yes, sometimes you have to play the game… And smile even if you don’t really feel for it?? But nobody can hinder you from feeling and thinking inside and quietly, or? (and how is my poker face? A person standing me fairly near said smiling and a bit teasingly when we were playing cards that I have no poker face! And yes, I am afraid I don’t have…).

Hmmm, I don’t say I am neither one nor the other and I think I can cope with this… But I needed to pour this out?

Our former boss (1991-1998) also lacked interest in pedagogical and artistically issues (had hardly worked as teacher) and he was also completely uninterested in care about the employees (had enormous own problems)... Then we had the steel-bath in economy so a strong (but also in other ways weak!?) leader had been recruited? The ceiling at work became very low... It was fairly easy to take over after him!!?? He lay the ground for the boss we now have. Everything would be better than what we had had...

I joined a gestalt-group where one of the women had worked for a longer time than I and frankly said that she had hardly seen any real good boss... That was very relieving for me... So it was maybe allowed to feel and react as one did!? :-) As if you need to get permission for that!? You react as you react!? And you can try to understand why you are reacting or not try to understand it... And on what you are reacting... But all reactions are worth to take seriously!? And respect, as long as one doesn't cause real harm to anyone or oneself?

And, yes, I think that unfortunately it has been and still is harder to recruit bosses that would be the best!? C. Maslach&M.P. Leiter wrote in "The truth about burnout. How organizations cause personal stress and what to do about it" which came already 1997 in English, "Sanningen om utbrändhet. Hur jobbet förorsakar personlig stress och vad man kan göra åt det" which came 2000 in Swedish, that they feared the work-places and companies would be drained on their best folks with the work environment we have... (And how is this for the societal economy? And for work-places and companies?)

In psycho-history they talk about backward psycho-classes and the ones needing power probably comes from that "category"!? Even if one maybe shall be careful about labeling people???

And, yes, I am daughter to a boss (one that was formal and another that was informal?)... So what do I have to come with and say, so I can just keep quiet!??? (a bit ironically).

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Addition at 11.00: Oh, I am about to explode over all stupid people!!?? :-)

Our boss said carelessly and dispatching about a colleague of mine who was fairly angry at work and meetings (he was exhausted?) that he had boss-problems, i.e., problems with all bosses. She has that “style”? To push things away, completely!? Nothing has with her to do (or her in her way of being boss, her husband also had "problems" with this man when he was boss), but is only a question about others!? She has nothing to learn!? I reacted very angrily when she said this (and she has said other similar things that I have also reacted against). The big-sister in me: protecting my siblings (and myself through them?). Even if the colleague above was 11 years older than I and even if I was actually younger.

And he got retired already at age 57!!! A problem the bosses had swept under the carpet/rug I think because of their lack of competence and ability to handle things!!! And lack of will too!!?? And no interest in developing those skills either or developing hardly anything else to make a radically better job!? Oh, how do I sound now??

Oh, I am rather angry???

And I think she is also the one that even less than anyone else on this work-place has educated herself further neither in work-things (neither artistically nor pedagogically) nor personally!? She doesn’t need to? Because if you can and know you just can and know, no education in the world can change that!? And in a way that’s true too, you can’t be taught to be empathic for instance… OR to become a good teachers or boss, but education can’t make it worse at least, so? Or? Then the education must be very bad!?

Or some have the quality to learn from life exclusively (yes true, I think some can really learn from life, but then you see it and sense it, this is obvious for the environment!? This person radiates this?)? Or something?

By the way the Swedish religion psychologist professor Owe Wikström writes about existential crisis; crisis that come for all human beings sooner or less... And those crisis are sound... And a sign you are a living human being... To cite him shortly.

Tiredness and tension and stress and nerves lying on the surface here? :-) But I use to be able to handle them... Even in the worse mess standing there with both feet on the ground - extremely clever!! Phew!!! I should be a little less clever???

It's raining cats and dogs :-) which is contributing to my mood, but is not the whole explanation to it!? A relief is that the dog Eskil also reacts when it is bad weather - reacts very much. He doesn't even have to put his nose out to sense a bad weather!!! So after all, I am not totally insensitive??? Hopefully! :-) Oh, I wish I had his company, on walks and here at home... I am so fond of him.