onsdag 11 juli 2007

House painting…

The windows were so heavy so I had to help my brother to lift them down this morning!!! No wonder I didn’t manage this myself yesterday morning! I have grinded a bigger window and the garden-door and ground-painted all this including the porch step and a small window on the proch step, and puttied the windows I have grinded. But everything has to dry for 24 hours before one start with the real painting!!

When you have never done this it takes some time!! So I have worked almost a full working-day today with all this. Tomorrow I am going to start painting with the real paint, a first layer. And maybe grind the next window? It took more time than I thought! Was more to do. And when one isn’t so practised and has to learn while one does it it takes more time… I hope it is properly done when it is finished!!

There are eight bigger windows and three small on the bottom floor and three in the same size one stair up including five small windows there. So, no, it isn’t a very small house! Phew! But the windows one stair up my brothers has to paint! I don’t dare to climb so high!!

I must say I admire those who are house painters!!

My 16 year old niece Fia is in Brighton in England three weeks to train her English. She isn’t very fond of travelling, but she has gone for this trip nevertheless.

It would be nice with a sauna bath this evening!! Should need it, to wash myself really!! And warm myself…

When I have finished this painting work I am going home for hair-cut and paying bills… And after that I am going to take the car for a real vacation-trip to the north (1000 km or 100 Swedish mil) and hopefully relax there. I got stuck here.

Strikes me when working here how little we probably use our bodies naturally or at all?? Compared to those born before 1960 I think?? Many works earlier were more body works than they are today… On good and bad.

And came to think on a walk with Eskil before the “dinner” about “do” and/or “be” (see the book by Benjamin Hoff about Poh and Tao): how much which is about “doing” today everywhere in society instead of sometimes just “being”… And how problematic this probably is for those whose value lies in achievements… People who have to achieve to get “love”… I belong to that category?? Very dutifully doing and working!? With a sigh... Extremely diligent and clever... (just see how much I have written on the two months I have had this blog. Yes, tomorrow it is exactly two months. Trying to write in English too, because I would like to spread ideas from people that isn't translated to English yet, and don't seem so known. About the little I know about. If anyone happens to read this. Nevertheless, I process things with this writing; trying to find patterns and link things for myself if nothing else, and that's good enough for me).

Came to think too about what I have written the last days, that abuse and violations in childhood, including sexual abuse, doesn't only lead to psychological illness (or psychiatric!?), but can be shown in other ways, with other expressions and in different ages... As somatic illnesses, psycho-somatic...

Addition: Bob wrote on his webb something I agree with and want to quote (I hope he thinks this is alright?)

"... I've added a third type of learning experience - Forced Secrecy.
Here you first experience a trauma, something outside of you current experiences, but unlike the natural process, I outlined above, you cannot get either external feedback from others, the Forced Secrecy prevents that, and also, totally isolated from others, you're unable to 'think about it' i.e. try to make internal sense, or personal meaning, of all of those sensory, and emotional, and mental, and self-full pieces in some way. So it remains unintegrated, like a stack of papers, with no way to file them, and later, even much later, when one of those parts, a sound, a smell, a sight, a tone of voice, or even a pattern of events happens, which it will, all that you can remember is the totality of un-integrated memories, thus re-triggering, rather than resolving the event.

Basically, in my opinion, it is not the trauma, the horrific event, but the Forced Secrecy about it, that leads to the severe after-effects, such as PTSD, later, often much later in life."

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