Work-life...

It seems as it is boiling here and there under the carpet (as we say) at work? Our two bosses seem to be fairly confused... But it looks as they can let it pass?

Listened to our prime minister now in the morning, which was in the morning news... He spoke about cooperation what concern the school (or rather: he saw no reason to cooperate as it was just now!!!)... Cooperation on the request (even demand, to get peace and quite in school-work) of the trade union (the teacher's). The trade union had made an investigation among parents to children in school, and that had shown that 9 of 10 are satisfied with heir children's school, but not with school in general...

So now the trade unions highest representative thought the politicians should start to cooperate about the school (something so important), not use it to gain voters (cynically)...

Our prime minister replied in TV that he saw no reason to do so as the social democrats haven't stated what their school-politics is yet... So they aren't allowed to say anything before that? I just drop my cheek... How arrogantly he sounded and looked... What is all this about? Does he feel a pressure to pick up the leader's role? Ohhhh...

And at my work it is a mess it feels... People are murmuring in the corridors? More and more are? Tiredly and with lost patience?

And I get the feeling that it is the women mostly that are??I just sigh... The responsible-taking women!? Honestly I am one of them... I have to work on this!!?? Those sides in me are really challenged about the states of affairs!!

On Monday I met two colleagues (a female and a male which have guitar-groups together at this school on Mondays) when we left a school to go home (at 06.30 PM). We came to talk a little... And A-C in HER spontaneous style said what she thought, quite angrily and upset...

Things look so fine on the paper: we are having groups of all different kinds which shall discuss things... But we are never informed about hat these groups do!! So one wonders IF they are doing anything, or if our (female) boss doesn't want to inform all about these discussions? (paranoia?? Phew!! From the ones side that wonders!?). Maybe it's both these things...

I came to think: people are severely misused in work-life... The knowledge is there about work environmental things... But who shall "implement" them (as they use to say! Needing to use fine words!? To cover up that things are far from how they sound??).

That's the first that now strikes me this morning.

The second about numbness again and thick-skinnedness and empathy deficits... People with very thick skins; hopw much you even beat on them literally and metaphorically it's like a mosquito biting an elephant in his skin!!? (even if elephants seem to be feeling empathy, and being able to grieve...).

The third that struck me now this morning (about one of these I'm cooperating with and how he behaves and handles things) that wha C. Maslach and M. P. Leiter has found is that people, in general, ant to do a good job. A job they can stand for and feel a certain amount of pride for. That their "products" (a deep, deep sigh!!!) are products that they can stand for...

This is one of six inconsistencies between a human being and her/his milieu... To deny this and not pay this any attention is showing disrespect!? Straightly sad!?

Things have been swept under the carpet and not dealt with!!? And I wonder if this is a pattern from thirty years back? (is this a pattern on many work-places??). And things are swept there because our leaders haven't been capable (at all) to deal with them??

Now writing about this, I came to think about what Jenson writes about these things... About work-places and phenomena there which you maybe can't influence... Or that one should realize when it's no idea to try to point things out and when it is... When you actually are beating our head bloody to no benefit at all... So you don't expose yourself even more, or protect yourself adequately...

Thinking even further on Bosch and defences... Woman tend to resort (in general) to the defences False hope and FalsePower Denial of Needs... Men to False Hope anger and False Hope Denial of Needs... And both parts to Primary defence (to blame oneself), where women tend to admit tp blaming themselves, while men tend to deny that hey are blaming themselves (even to themselves)...

Is it this one can see at my work-place? With a tired smile and a big sigh!

Women "overreacting" and men "under reacting" in general... This is a work-place with fifty-fifty men and women...

Women are the responsible taking (in general or at last to a higher degree), men less... This makes women more and more upset when time goes and/or things changes... Accumulating a lot!! Filed like vulcanos... And sooner or less these vulcanos start to explode...

People are more and more polarized: some more an more angry, another part distancing themselves more and more the more angry some gets?? A very tired smile...

And why is this? Because our leaders aren't grown enough to...

However, what can I learn from this?? Now let things be? Risk that things break down?? Do I have to play a sort of rescuer?? Is it my duty or responsibility? Or when is the border/boundary reached? Can I bring a miracle about??

And once again; peoples engagement is severely misused, yes, even exploited!! People are shown disrespect to say it right out!!?? Disrespected in their feelings and...

Who are worth respect actually?? Is it mutual respect it is about??

Can I distance myself from this, try not to intervene?? Do my job and try to have fun with my pupils and students and not give a damn to others (at least all those who don't care back and keep silent and don't react)?? Can I let others react? When borders are reached?

Am I making a hen out of a feather?

On concerts it's preferably women that sees so there are pupils playing, so the program is filled!?? In general??

I spoke with a friend working in another music-school (bigger, in fact in Stockholm), she was quite tired too!! There it was the same: he women taking responsibility...

And we are so stupid so we do!! Calling us stupid: thus blaming my/ourselves!! Beating on my/ourselves we stupid, stupid women, me stupid, stupid, worthless me!!!

Is thee nothing valuable with me and my engagement?? With the one I am?? The person I am?? Am I not worth respect at all?? Even a lot of appreciation?? At all?? Struggling ad striving and working hard, trying o do a good job always, being as well prepared as I possibly can... With this not said that I am an angel!!

And on this journey: what have I gained?? A big career? Living luxuriously?? Getting a respect I maybe should deserve? Diminishing and minimizing myself, who I am, what I do, afraid of not being able to live up to anything???

So angry so my tears are coming...

Have worked a lot on myself (tried the best I can) and tried to develop my skills in my work... I couldn't expect more in life? Another place in life? The one and only place for me?

And what about mutual care?? Am I drawn to people where things like these can't develop really? Not capable of seeing what is actually in reach?? How tragic if it is so...

My (our) needs and feelings - what about??? Those who treats me (us) like this are they worth my (our) respect??? Honestly!!! Neither my respect nor contempt either?? Are they worth my care or time or energy?? At all...

Are they draining other people's energy?? Many would reply here:

"Can't one see it the other way: why are you giving such people much space and time and energy an anger??"

Wat is this I came to think now: blaming the victim?? Defending and protecting the not caring?? And putting the responsibility even heavier on the one that is already taking too much responsibility?

But of course one can wonder why it is like this!!?? Yes, maybe this is somethin inherited and genetically?? You are just born as overly responsible-taking OR as overly ignoring things!!??

Which means hat where and how you even turn things can't be changed?? It's only one side you can expect shall change? The other side can't and will never do??

Of course this (the second) won't change ever?? He (usually??) doesn't have to!!??? He doesn't have to be confronted with his deeds (or lack of...)...

Of course all men aren't like this (I hope!!) and there are women with thick skins too... Maybe I too have a thick skin sometimes??

The demands are put higher on the ones that are trying most!!?? And who are questioning themselves most?? And the smallest are put on the ones that tries less?? Too many times??

Yes, I am angry!! I would like to say (with dark eyes): Go to hell!!! I don't need you!

What is this saying? Then... Phew!!!!

PS. Something that struck me the other day, about sensitivity... You shall be sensitive to your feelings, needs, to others (as in our case; to our pupils)... In therapy it can be a lot of talk about feelings here and there... But then you are told to e less sensitive!! Many therapy-concepts of all kinds aren't they about being less sensitive, don't feel so much, think in other ways etc.!!??

Is this possible to achieve??

In a way you shall learn to feel "lagom" as we say in Sweden!!!???

I.e. be the good girl, boy once again!!??? Because to dig into something else is out of question? The client cant survive this, has o be spared this? Not least if she/he is oversensitive??

I don't know, maybe it is so? But I can't help wondering what and whom this is about actually...

And I think more open talk than the opposite would be of benefit for all human beings... Not this walking like a cat round hot porridge... Is it strange people get really scared for what they carry inside???

I am really on the war-path?? (that time of the month?? Oh, there's the reason!!! When am I going to be taken seriously really? But I am quite scared of being taken seriously too? And getting real, genuine appreciation and response??).